Are you feeling lonely and disconnected?

One day whilst laying in bed, at the beginning of lockdown, I suddenly realised that I felt depressed. I’ve experienced this many moments previously in my life, especially during the time of year where everything slows down, during autumn time. Particularly in cold, dark Sweden, the northern part of it.

This day, I was unable to move, laying there with my ‘negative, heavy thoughts’.

It felt frustrating that I couldn’t get up, feeling lonely, anxious, disconnected and sad for myself. I felt hopeless.

Having experienced this so many times before, my brain was doing a scan looking for tools I’ve learnt during countless classes, courses, workshops and private sessions. My most powerful tools kicked in! My intuition, creativity and ability to listen to my body.

My inner guidance asked me to check how open or closed my heart felt. When checking I realised that it was closed. Who knows when it had happened. I’ve realised that I have this internal switch that can either turn off my emotions or numb them. Sometimes I do it consciously, other times it happens automatically as a trauma response, when a part of me is trying to protect myself from anticipated hurt and pain.

It made sense that if my heart was closed, I’d feel disconnected and lonely!

I began talking to my heart acknowledging what had happened and gently invited it to open when it felt safe and ready to, without force, but with a loving invitation.

I could feel a warmth in my heart centre and a gentle opening. My whole body felt more open with a sense of energy moving through.

I felt better in my body but still was unable to get up. I still felt tender and raw but with more openness.

My inner guidance asked me to come back to my body, as if part of me had left because it was too painful to be in it.

I began voicing basic things, affirming them in my head:

“I’m laying down right now. I can see the light in the ceiling. I can feel the cool air.”

As I began acknowledging my present moment, the more present in my body I became. I continued with a few more sentences and by the time I knew it I was able to get out of bed and felt a lot better. I didn’t feel the depressed state anymore.

If any of you visiting here ever feel like this, I invite you to try out the two practices I did:

• The noticing how open or closed your heart is, inviting it to open when it feel safe and ready

• Acknowledging the present moment - what you notice inside and outside of you

If you’d like to receive support with past trauma, ancestral trauma, difficult emotions, negative belief systems, anything blocking your path ahead, I’m here for you.